Mabel and the Big Bad Bill
by That GF FAN
Summary: After losing a bet to her, Dipper must tell Mabel a bed time story of her choice. She wants to hear a fairy tale and though reluctant, Dipper must comply. And he does, but with a twist of his own. A parody of Little red Riding hood mixed with 4th a wall breaks and GF fandom satire. Cover art by kendallhaleart on Tumblr.


It was a warm late Friday night in Piedmont California. Dipper and Mabel were getting ready for bed. Mabel in particular was excited. Earlier in the day, she and Dipper had a bet to see who could eat the most cupcakes in one minute. The loser had to read to the winner a story of their choice. Dipper had barley eaten his first cupcake as Mabel had already finished over half the box when the minute was up. As the obvious winner, she raced into bed with the story she planned to have Dipper tell her.

"Okay then, like you have been reminding me since this morning, I have to tell you a story of your choice, right?" Dipper said.

"Yes, and here it is," said Mabel handing him the book.

Dipper sighed. "Seriously Mabel, this again?" he said.

"Oh come on, you used to love it when mom told us fairy tales," she said.

"Yeah, but we were kids then. Now these stories are just disturbing," said Dipper.

"How are they disturbing?" asked Mabel.

"Well, the wolf eats the first 2 pigs, and then the 3rd one eats the wolf, Humpty Dumpty is just sad, Goldilocks is a burglar, what kind of princess needs a hundred mattresses to sleep on, and why did Little Red Riding Hood walk to her grandma's house alone? What, did friends not exist back then?" replied Dipper.

"Geez, you'd make a great critic you know. But come on, Dipper, I won fair and square, so now you have to read me a fairy tale," said Mabel.

"Ugh, fine. But just for the record, I never wanted to," he said.

Dipper flipped through the stories to find which one to tell. He really did not want to, but he had no choice. Then an idea struck him. A way to make the night enjoyable for him too. Mabel never said that the fairy tale had to be exactly as it was written in the book. A great idea strikes him.

"You don't mind if I change things up a bit?" he asked, "You know, add something fresh to this century old tale,"

"No, but keep the plot the same" Mabel said.

"Okay then. You're gonna love this story Mabel. You ready? " he said.

Mabel nods.

"Okay then."

 **(Story starts with Dipper narration)**

Once upon a time, a little girl by the name of Mabel Pines went for a walk through the woods.

 **(Story break)**

"Hang on a second? Why am I in the story?" Mabel asked.

"You'll see. Now let me tell it," Dipper replied.

 **(Back to story)**

Mabel was wearing her favourite red sweater as she walked through the woods carrying a basket full of treats. She was on her way to see her great uncle Stan at his run-down tourist trap in the woods. He was not feeling well so her mother thought he might like some of her soup to make him feel better.

Mabel skipped along in the woods on her way to the shack. The birds chirped and she was happy. But she was not alone. She was being watched and followed. Mabel turned around to see who was behind her. There hiding behind a tree, was-

 **(break story)**

"Bill, right? You know, cause he's a poop head and all, like the big bad wolf?" said Mabel interrupting.

"Well, I was going to say Gideon but I like your idea better," he said, "Where was I? Oh yes."

 **(back to story)**

Mabel turned around to see who was behind her. There, hiding behind a tree, was a big bad Bill Cipher. Mabel looked at him nervous as he floated up to her.

"Well hey there, shooting star. Fancy seeing you in this neck of the woods. How's the old pig of yours doing?" he said.

"What do you want, blood breath?" Mabel asked.

"Well I happened to notice you're carrying a basket of garlic bread through he woods. You don't mind if I have a bit, do you?"

"What, no way. Get your own. This basket if for my Grunkle Stan. He's sick, and I'm delivering this basket to him. Not you. Now if you excuse me, I have to get going. See you loser," said Mabel as she continued on her way.

"Hmm. Looks like if I want those onion rings, I'm gonna have to get sneaky," Bill said as he disappeared.

 **(Break story)**

"Well, I did not see that coming," said Mabel.

"Oh, just you wait. I'm only getting started," said Dipper.

 **(return to story)**

Mabel skipped along her way through the woods. Soon she neared a clearing with a field full of flowers.

"Oh, Grunkle Stan may want some flowers too. I'll pick him some," she said.

 **(break story)**

"Hang on, I thought Grunkle Stan hated flowers?" Mabel says.

"I know, but in order for this part of the story to work, he has to like flowers" said Dipper.

"So, you're breaking character, huh," Mabel says.

"Mabel please, this is effectively a fanfic. Those things break character all the time," said Dipper as he looked to the left, "Also the fourth wall."

 **(Author ponders his life choices, and why he made the characters self aware)**

"Okay fine. Carry on" she said.

"Where was I?" said Dipper.

 **(Return to story)**

Mabel put her basket down next to a tree and runs off into the field to pick some flowers. Little does she know, behind a tree, Big bad old Bill was watching.

"Now's my chance" he said, "If I crawl over to the basket, shooting star won't notice me. Then I can finally eat those chocolate muffins."

Bill laughed in his weird evil way as he got down on his legs and crawled slowly towards the basket. He's careful to not make a noise. Otherwise Mabel might notice.

He is nearly at the basket when all of a sudden, a little butterfly lands on his bowtie.

"Get off me butterfly," Bill yelled. But it's too late. The butterfly crawled up next to his eye, and...

"Ahh, ahh, ahh CHOOOO!"

Bill sneezed so loudly that the butterfly flew off. Good for him but he had also now blown his cover. Mabel, who was picking the last of her flowers looked up at the direction of where she heard the sneeze. She sees to her shock, Bill laying on the ground not too far away from her basket.

"Shooting Star. It...It's not what you think?" he said.

"Oh really, Bill. Because I think you were trying to steal my basket weren't you" she yelled.

"No. I was just, uh, watching it to stop this...other triangle guy from stealing it. He was blue and had a weird name that started with a W" he said.

Mabel was not buying it as she walked up to her basket and grabbed it.

"Oh come on shooting star! At least let me have one potato chip from that basket?" Bill said.

"I'm sorry Bill. This basket is for my Grunkle Stan, and you are not getting anything inside it. Go find someone else's instant noodles to steal," she yelled.

Bill watched as Mabel skipped off.

"You left me no choice now shooting star. No more Mr. Nice tortilla chip. If I'm going to get that basket and eat those chicken nuggets, I'm going to have to play dirty" he said.

Just then, the butterfly and a whole group of them arrive and land on Bill.

"Get off, get off, GET OFF!" he yelled as he ran around screaming. Bill then slammed right into a tree and a bunch of pinecones fell on him.

"Curse you Pinetree," he said.

 **(Story break)**

"Wow, you're being quite hard on Bill," said Mabel.

"Did you see what he did to my body when he possessed me? This is nothing compared to what he did. Revenge is best served cold, Mabel," Dipper said.

"O...kay. Hey, mind if I come up with the next part?" asked Mabel.

"Sure, why not," Dipper said as he handed the book over to Mabel.

"Okay then, Bill is playing dirty now."

 **(Return to story with Mabel as the narrator now)**

I continued...

"I mean"

Mabel continued walking. She was nearing her Grunkle Stan's house now. Little did she know, Bill was back at it with his schemes. Up ahead on the path, he was setting up a classic rope trap.

"Perfect," he said as he made the final adjustments to his trap, "When shooting star walks past, she will be scooped up by the rope. Once she's stuck dangling from the tree, I can grab her basket, and then those cinnamon buns will finally be mine."

Bill spots Mabel approaching, and hides behind a bush. He watched and waited for Mabel to walk over his trap and get stuck. But given she was skipping, when she reaches where the trap is, she just skips right over it.

"WHAT!" Bill yelled. He watched as Mabel skipped off.

"Dang it, what do I have to do to get that basket" he yelled.

But before Bill can go on, his right foot gets caught in the rope and...

*Swoop*

He flew into the air and gets stuck upside down in the tree.

Bill thinks to himself. He can't catch Mabel while she's on the move. She can't catch her when she stops either.

"What do I need to, dress up like sixer's brother to get those pizza rolls?"

It hits him then.

The acorn from the squirrel hurt, but he also had an idea now.

"If I can't get that basket from shooting Star, then I just have to let shooting star give it to me myself."

 **(break story)**

"Wow. That got intense" said Dipper.

"Well everyone loves an old rope trap gag, right?" said Mabel.

"Well, I'll take it from here now. We're close to the end" said Dipper, "This was actually fun."

"See, I told you you'd love fairy tales if you looked at them differently," Mabel said.

"I guess. Anyways, where were we?"

 **(back to story with Dipper narrating)**

Bill raced off, and makes it to the Mystery Shack before Mabel does. He slowly sneaks in and creeps towards Stan's room. There was Stan, fast asleep.

"Hey there old man. Mind if I borrow your bed and glasses?" he said.

Using his telekinesis powers, Bill lifted Stan up, and locked him into the closet without waking him up.

Bill then put on Stan's glasses, and got into his bed.

"Geez this guy has terrible vision," Bill said as he put on the glasses.

He then sits and waits for Mabel to arrive.

 **(Break story)**

"You do know I can tell the difference between Bill and Stan, right Dipper?" Mabel said.

"Yeah, I just wanted to make fun of that theory you made," said Dipper.

"Oh, you mean how I thought Bill was still in Stan's mind right," Mabel said.

"Yeah".

The two of them started laughing.

 **(Many angry fans get ready to yell)**

"Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. It's pretty dumb, " she said.

"Anyways let's continue," said Dipper

 **(return to story (many angry comments incoming))**

Mabel finally arrived at the Mystery Shack, and knocks the door.

"Oh, Grunkle Stan, it's me, Mabel. Your favourite (and only) niece," she said.

"Ahh yes, Mabel. Come in, the door is open," said a faint voice from inside that sounded only a bit like Stan.

Mabel looked a bit worried, but she did not come this far to not deliver bagels to Stan to just leave. She opened the door and walked inside.

"Grunkle Stan, where are you?" she said.

"I'm in my room, pumpkin," said the Stan voice.

Mabel walked into Stan's room, and sure enough, there he was.

"Oh, hello Mabel dear. How are you?" said Bill.

 **(story break)**

"Okay, that just sounds wrong on so many levels, Dipper" said Mabel.

"Well it is a story you know, Mabel. It's not real," said Dipper.

"Yeah, but story or not, that still sounds weird. It makes no sense at all," Mabel said.

"Again, not real. It's a story" said Dipper.

"Fine, carry on," said Mabel.

 **(Return to story)**

Mabel walks up to the bed and looks at "Grunkle Stan".

"Oh, Grunkle Stan what a big eye you have" she says.

"Uh, the better to see you with my dear."

 **(Story break)**

"TOO FAR" yells Mabel.

"Fine" says Dipper.

 **(return to story)**

"The better to see you with Mabel" "Stan" says.

"Well why are you yellow" she asks.

"I'm sick what do you think" "Stan" says.

 **(break story)**

"He has yellow fever right" Mabel says laughing.

"Do you even know what yellow fever is" Dipper says.

Mabel shakes her head.

"Trust me, you don't wanna know"

 **(Return to story (again))**

"Well then why are you wearing a top hat" Mabel asks.

"I miss the 1920's okay" "Stan" says.

"Well then where's your mouth" she asks.

"Oh it's there. And I'm going to use it to eat all those cookies you have in there" Bill says as he reveals himself.

Mabel screams and makes a run for it.

Outside nearby to the shack a local lumberjack was cutting some trees down. She then hears the sounds of yelling coming from inside the shack.

 **(break story)**

"Woah, woah. Let me guess, its Wendy right Dipper" Mabel asks.

"What, no of course not Mabel! How could you even...

Yes, its Wendy."

Mabel laughed. "Okay fine. I'll let you off the hook. I already destroyed you in cupcake eating. That's enough for the day" she says.

Dipper smiled. "Ya but I got the last laugh when you got sick later on" he says.

"I don't think I'm gonna eat another cupcake for a while now" Mabel says getting a bit nauseous.

"Okay back to the story" Dipper says.

 **(return to story)**

Wendy walks over to the shack and looks inside.

"Is anyone here" she says.

"Help anyone help" yells Mabel as she runs past not noticing Wendy. Bill flies right behind her. He then crashes into a wall, throws Stan's glasses off and continues after her.

"What the heck was that" Wendy says as she grabs her axe and slowly follows behind.

Bill chases Mabel into a corner. She was trapped.

"There's no escaping shooting star. At last your basket of roasted chicken is finally mine" he yells.

Mabel closes her eyes, waiting for Bill to snatch the basket from her. She hears him laughing and then all of a sudden...

"SMACK!"

She opens her eyes to see Bill fall apart into multiple pieces. She looks up to see Wendy standing there with her axe in hand.

"Well that takes care of that thing dude" she says.

Mabel gets up and hugs Wendy.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you" she says.

"Hey its nothing. I heard your call for help and saw this, math problem chasing you. Although I did not expect him to fall apart into a million pieces" she says.

The two laugh about it. Eventually Mabel with the help of her new friend Wendy help Stan out of the closet and the three of them eat the soup Mabel's mom packed in the basket and lived happily ever after.

The end or whatever

 **(return to real world)**

"So what did you think of that Mabel" Dipper asks.

"Well it was weird I'll tell you that. But I loved it. Especially the part where Bill broke apart like a glass bottle" she replies.

Dipper then turns the light off and the two head to bed.

"Oh hey Mabel, one more thing" Dipper says.

"What"

"Never make me read another fairy tale again" he says.

"No promises" Mabel says.

With that said, the two headed off to sleep.

* * *

 **The End?**


End file.
